how it is...

you know, i'm beginning to realize that late at night/early in the morning is perfect for blogging. it's when my time is mine, to do what i wish with it; and i can think.

today i was discussing with my friend Andy one of my biggest hurdles in having to come so far away for school: the fact that i will not be able to watch my baby nephew grow up. (see that pic? you can't tell me he's not adorable... you'd be lying and you know it.) i don't miss my hometown all that much, my friends are at their respective schools across the nation, i needed a break from food service, and my family... well, i love them, of course, but it's time for me to find out who i am. i don't miss much other than the skyline... except my precious nephew. he turned 4 months old 6 days ago. and i am missing it. i know i am supposed to be at Bryan, and i am grateful, more than most people can realize or understand, to be there. it's just the hardest thing i had to do, leaving, to realize that my Dean boy is going to grow up wondering who exactly his Aunt Stephanie is, because i'm so far away. my sister, who has always been as close to an idol as i've ever had, the one person i've wanted to emulate more than anyone, has had a beautiful baby boy. because he is her baby, and because i love her so much, i love him too. i will get to see my beautiful boy at Christmas, and he'll be about 6 and a half months old by then. the next time i'll see him will be the summer, and so it will go for four years. i know i am in the right place at the right time for the right reason. this is the one thing i've had to fight more than anything when i've thought of going back. i would give almost anything to see that baby every day, to love him and watch him grow up. but it is not to be, and while i don't understand why, i will trust God, and love this baby when i do get the opportunity.

i talked to my sister later today, and it really hit home for me. at the same time, i am being stretched. no, not always in the ways i would like, but stretched nonetheless. because of my distance, i am provided with the realization that i value and desire my sister's insight into my life. she walked this road several years ago, and knows what i face on a day-to-day basis even without my telling her. i am so blessed to have her love me. i realize that if i had not gone so far away from home, i would not have seen her value in my life. i love this realization that distance does indeed make the heart grow fonder, and it has given her a voice in my life that she may not have had otherwise. even though she may not know or see it, she has a huge impact on my life, even daily.

this has opened my eyes to see yet another blessing come out of Bryan College for me. though i may complain, may roll my eyes at the drama, may state time and again that i wish i were home with a 50+hour/week job... it's becoming home. and its value to me is more than just academic. i am gaining so much from it, even from outside sources such as valuing my sister's opinion. for this reason, and many others, i love Bryan College. and i love what God has done for me already, and will do in the future, for me through that school.
now, before i pass out into oblivion (because yes, that energy drink totally threw off my sleep patterns), i bid you all good night; buen noche; buna sera; and (if i knew how to say it in french, a~ i'd be worried about myself, and b~ i would.).

all is well with my soul.