grounded

i am no longer allowed to post a blog until at least 10 hours have passed an argument, conflict, et cetera. i am entirely too emotional for my own good, or my readers' for that matter.
i hurt, yes. i am not happy about some mistakes i made that i am paying for now, and consequently causing others to pay for. but... in my emotional state i question the validity of my faith, my love and knowledge of God. now that i have had a few hours to compose myself, i see the reality of the fact that i simply respond to chaos, but God hasn't left me, and i do in fact have a relationship with Him. that is the only reason i am still here, and i know it.
i am blessed to have brothers on this campus watching out for me, protecting me, making sure i'm okay. if either of you read this, you have no idea how much it means.
i am also blessed to have a friend that is willing to step back because i can't handle it any more. if you read this... i'd put it in Portuguese but that translator sucks. so... know that i will always care. He is holding your hand, don't forget. and your heart.
i yield my right to guide my own emotions, i relinquish my authority over my life, and i lay all i am and all i have at the foot of the cross, every jagged, crushed, cracked piece, that He may refine this mess, and put it back together the way it ought to be. in Him and Him alone do i find strength and refuge, and with joy and relief do i accept His mercy, His forgiveness, and His love. i hope you can do the same if and when you need to.