do tell

in this life, we have so many specific occurrences that shape who we are, what we do, where we go, when we change, why we ask, and how we grow.
friendships change, for better, for worse. ups and downs that sometimes leave us reeling. a friend of mine recently left a very controlling, detrimental cult and is asking questions. as frustrated and angry i get with him (and i'm not afraid to tell him so), he still comes back. he still cares to be my friend. i don't know why. i don't know how. i just pray for him. another friend of mine and i have been on a difficult see-saw of emotion, fear, anger, and frustration. how it comes out, we won't know for a while.
a pastor in a church that was, and is, my sometimes home, has fallen and fallen hard. i am forced to step back and ask questions about my faith, my walk with God. he was someone a lot of people looked up to, trusted, and followed. now their guide is gone. what do they do, where do they go? if he were the pastor in my church, i would be even more devastated. i am examining my heart hard and long, to see if there exists anything that must be uprooted. and it hurts.
in the midst of all this, i cling to God. i love Him. i trust Him. all this mess i've made is in His hands, and He's going to take care of it. in Him i find my single solace, my only love, the one place i can run to and find relief and hope. He is my Light, my Love, and my Way. without Him i would be a catastrophic mess.
Mi corazon es para Dios.
prometo que lhe desculpo. não posso dizer que o amo ainda. ele dói. mas saiba que estou rezando por você e não estou desistindo ainda. arrependo-me de tudo que fiz o que o prejudica. lamento que eu não possa tomar tudo ele costas. preocupo-me. não esquecer.

love, me.