always surprised

i have to admit... i kinda fell off the "God train" with this last boyfriend. (just so y'all know... all four of you that read this... it sounds so weird saying that. we only "dated" for a month, and i'm not sure if that even counts... we simply talked a lot and watched movies over the internet... brings a new level to cyber-dating, i swear...)

at any rate, he took a lot of my time. granted, it was probably due to the fact that he was on break, and i got annoyed because i don't have break. i have to be a responsible adult... get up on time, (HA! like i've ever done that...) run errands, pay bills, go to work... i don't have the kind of time he does.

with him taking so much time (and i know i can't blame it all on him, i made the choice to talk to him, so it's my fault anything didn't get done), i stopped spending time with God. i even stopped working on my notebook (which i'll explain in a minute). i was shocked by how far from God i felt, and by how much pain it was causing me. love lost or deferred is never fun. ever. it's even more terrible when you are separated from One who loves your soul. He's the only One that's never hurt me, never let me down, never made me feel like i wasn't lovable. and i missed Him.

so now that i'm broken up (which is turning out to be a long, drawn out process of pleas and promises rather than a clean break... i really am way too nice), i have more time to spend with my Love. the question is, will i?

i should get back into my notebook. it's pretty sweet, i have to admit. it's my Character of God notebook. i take a characteristic of God, such as holiness or justice, and i find everything i can in the bible about it. i look up all the meanings for the word in the original languages, and then i take apart the verses... so i can get a better glimpse of who God is. the notebook is simply a way to keep all these discoveries and revelations in one place, so i can go back and remember. i really do love it, and i need to get back into it.

it's amazing what absence does to a person. huzzah for rekindling lost love!