contemplation, frustration, and dark chocolate

have you ever sat back and thought that the world was too much and not enough at the same time? too much stress, too much work, too much to do, too much disappointment and heartache, too much drama, too much pain. not enough time, not enough love, not enough laughter, not enough appreciation for little things?
at the same time, have you ever thought the same thing about yourself? there are so many thoughts running through my head, some of which are not safe to type for fear my screen will explode... and it doesn't end. i keep asking myself what i've done wrong, where i've made the mistake, why isn't there anything i can do? there are some things that i don't understand, and because of that there is nothing i can do to fix them. since i can't fix them i feel incompetent and helpless, like i am more of a hindrance than an aid. i hate days like this...
i look at myself in the mirror and wonder what i would be like had i done things differently. there are so many things i would go back and change if i could, and if i could have, who would i be? would i be better, different? i cannot say that i regret my life as it has been, because that would only cause more discontent and self-hatred. i simply wonder. in looking back, i also ask myself if there is anything i can learn from my past to help better my future.
this post is very contemplative and somewhat depressive in nature... i go through these "funks" from time to time. certain events or people can set them in motion... that is not postable information, however, and as i have a bag of dark chocolate kisses and "Pride and Prejudice" in my dvd player to be played as soon as i am finished, i am sure the world will right itself in no time. pray for me, that i continue to seek God's face and crave His love with my being above all else. i've been struggling a bit lately with putting Him first, hence the depressing post.

with love, a girl who adores dark chocolate and needs God desperately.